Mailbox Monday,..

Mailbox Monday is now on tour and is being hosted at Chick Loves Lit for the month of August. "Mailbox Monday is the gathering place for readers to share the books that came into their house last week. Warning: Mailbox Monday can lead to envy, toppling TBR piles and humongous wish lists. Last week I received: These two books, they are to add to my collection of research. Over the years I've been interested in the "real" stories of my country men/women who eventually emigrated to Canada, I believe the story of the children of Tengeru is one very close to my heart.

My sister-in-laws mom was such an orphan. It is fitting that this book arrived on the anniversary of her death. I always wondered who taught her to do the wonderful things she did. She was an awesome cook, a loving mother and grandmother and a wonderful loving friend to me. She had no mother or father to teach her to love, and yet she did it right to her dying breath. I never experience her "ugly" or "mad" at her life, she clung to it with every breath. Not a healthy life, but a very grateful one.
I dedicate my post to Janina, my friend may she rest in peace. I hope I told her enough times how special she was to me when she was alive, because there isn't a day that I'm not in my kitchen or in my rose garden that I don't have fond memories of her.

Photos of books I own.

I will remember you...

This is a photo of my dad and me. It was my graduation from Secondary School. Yesterday would have been my dad's 95th birthday. Wow! My dad passed away 3oyears ago. My fondest memories of my dad are quite often in conjunction with his friend Stan. I can remember being at Sheridan College and wanting them to build me a sewing machine table with some stability. It seemed my purchased one just couldn't take the moves, the legs were always wobbly and the surface was too small for the things that I was sewing, so the two of them strolled into the sewing studio at the college and were going to check it out. Well security of course was called because two old guys were wondering through the classes. I finally caught up with them and explained things and they took their measurements and I still sew at the table they came up with. I think Barb got one too. We each got a great cutting table as well, but Stan refused to glue cork to the top. He just wouldn't taint the wood that way. As I've been cleaning my mothers home recently, I've come across a few projects they did together, you can tell in their work when they were getting tired of it or maybe just having a few too many tastes of their home made wine. Brings a smile to my face. My dad would have like to be a musician, he was a self made one so I think it's appropriate that I post this song in his memory. Why didn't I post yesterday. Just couldn't.

I know it's not Mother's Day...

I know it's not Mother's Day but... by now most of my readers know that my mother is an elderly lady, WITH ATTITUDE, who relies on care from her family and outside help as well. It sort of came to light for me yesterday on my trek on the Go Bus, that the job of Mother is quite a life sentence. I spoke to my sister, who is now a grandmother, and we discussed her granddaughters integration into day care. How her daughter, the NEW MOM is taking it all. It has got to be the most difficult thing in the world to watch your baby cry when you leave her in the care of others. That's the right hand of the situation. What about the left? We (my sister and I) are also talking about leaving our Mother in the care of others, and her crying, when we leave her. We rely on our mothers for so much. As babes you know the care your children needed. Mine are MEN (or so they say) and yet when I come home from where ever, they still wait for dinner, or laundry or "cleanup after me..."not because they are not independent, but because that's always been my place for them. That part sucks. But I'm not sure being replaced by PIZZA PIZZA is any better. I know when it's the first day of school, or the first day of daycare or the first day of residence in a seniors home there are tears and guilt. I know it's the cycle of life, but sometimes wouldn't you just like to stop the cycle. I know I would like to leave my mom's house each time not feeling guilty, like there must be more that I could do to make her life more comfortable. I just don't know what! And while I say I'm doing everything I can, I'm never sure I am. Just as my niece will feel each time she leaves her baby at day care, she will never stop questioning it. Welcome to motherhood. She will forever wonder if she's doing the right thing. I'm still doing it. Even while I pack him up to go away to school. He's a man and I'm still thinking "Am I doing the right thing by letting him leave, What if?" It takes an awful lot of ADVIL to get through it. I know I've used enough to kill several elephants, but that's life. Motherhood is not for the faint at heart, and a role that requires serious consideration and commitment.

So I wonder if my mother feels that way, when she sees me leave, does she feel like a mom still? Has the dementia relieved her of that obligation? Maybe that's Gods way of saying it's quitting time, for her as a MOM.

My friend Leslie's mom passed away last weekend. Leslie is a caring daughter, a great mom and wife, and a good friend. I'm sure she is relieved that her mom is no longer in pain, I'm sure she is sad, and I'm sure there are feeling yet to come forward. I feel inadequately equipped to help her grieve. And guilty every time I complain about my mom. And at the end of the day all I can say is I'm so sorry for her loss.

I know it's not Mother's Day but it should be, everyday should be.

A MOTHER is she
who can take the place of all others.
But, whose place no one else can take.

Robert Browning

Photo, my mom and the baby