Wednesday, January 7, 2009

The last three years


The last three years have been a blurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr for me, my kids have grown up, my mother has gotten reallllllly old, my husband retired and just when I think I'm going to get a life, it rains. I will not say it's been fun. It has been a very bumpy ride. While I'm enjoying the freedom from night time feedings they seem not so long ago. Yet I know that most night times I'm thinking what's Daniel doing, is he home o.k. or has he been near that shooting site, and heaven forbid they say "the name of the victim is not be disclosed pending notification of next of kin" I would prefer a night time feeding. Now that my mom is in a full care facility I'm not thinking is she hungry, or fallen, because I know someone would have picked her up, I do know that she's been crying. And that's not pleasant. I know my husband is doing O.K. most times, but I do think he's forgetting he's not a Police Officer anymore he's a Private Dick, not quite the same. And then there's me. Well I use to get up with my boys, walk them to school and then do my own thing for at least the two hours before they came home for lunch. Like paint everyday. I always thought when they grow up I'll have all kinds of time. WHEN. It seems to me just when I think o.k. I'll be able to finish that project or start that painting there is always something that becomes more important. Thank goodness for computers at least my journalling still gets done. I don't fall asleep infront of a computer as easily as writing in a book. But, since it's the new year and we set new rules, I really NEED to do that. WEDNESDAY has to be painting, no alternate plans will be made. THURSDAY must be scrapping, otherwise my photo's will be all over the place with great intentions and not done. Anyone with good ideas please send them on. I need a plan.

3 comments:

Annette said...

I loved being pregnant, loved the feedings I loved it all, and I miss it all..the holding, the cuddling, the dressing all of it I miss, and like your post before this one, I can remember when my children would cry if I didn't take them with me, and I start feeling terrible and go back and get them, now they don't want to go any where with me either, my Johnanthon will for now, only because I'll let him drive, and I'm sure that will change once he gets his license!! I miss my children doing things with us, and with me, but then there are those times I love it when they don't.
Hugs
Annette

Susan Williamson said...

Great post! I know what you mean about your life changing and missing your children. It's strange to still feel like a teenager and to have children older than you are!

kimberly said...

i saw your post on annette's blog and loved what you had to say.....i have 5 grown daughters and i thought the same thing...."now i will have all kinds of time for me"....but you never quit worrying about them and my daughters are very close to me (for which i thank God daily)...and now i have 4 grandbabies (for which i thank God daily also) :)....so i completely understand your post.....you really do have to carve out the time for you....and i have learned that that is okay to do! :)

books by joan anderson "a year by the sea"...."a walk on the beach" and "an unfinished marriage" are really awesome books to read at this stage in your life...or at least they were for me!
have a wonderful day,
kimberly